How to find a therapist you really like

How to find a therapist you really like

Everyone can benefit from seeing a therapist, but finding a psychotherapist can be overwhelming: Each therapist has their own style, their own area of ​​expertise, and yes, their own price. Here's what you should know before trying to find a therapist—and exactly how to find a therapist who's right for you.

Start searching.

You have a few options for getting started. Your insurance company can provide a list of in-network practitioners, or you can get recommendations from friends or family, says Rachel Kazez, LCSW, a Chicago-based therapist and founder of All Along, a consulting firm that connects people with therapists and other spiritual help. While referrals may seem like the smartest option, Kazez adds that some therapists may prefer to keep clients independent to avoid conflicts of interest or having to keep track of who said what.

If you're completely overwhelmed and need to outsource the search, it might be worth using the services of a company like All Along, which offers a telephone consultation and then takes care of the search for you.

The cheapest and safest way how to find a therapist? Consult a reliable, national database such as GoodTherapy.com or PsychologyToday.com. It's a little more work than word-of-mouth, but both sites check the credentials and licenses of the therapists they list and let you filter by things like insurance providers, problems you're dealing with, or the gender of the doctor. (Related: Why is it so difficult to schedule your first therapy appointment)

Verify credentials.

This is an extremely important step in finding a therapist who is actually legitimate. For starters, skip the life coach. They're probably not cheaper and they're not licensed medical professionals, Kazez points out. And you want a psychologist, not a psychiatrist (the latter, who has an MD, usually only offers medication and no actual therapy). (Not to say life coaches aren't valuable—here's what life coaches actually do and how to know if you can benefit from one.)

Look for someone with a Ph.D. (which is a doctorate in clinical or counseling psychology), LCSW (fully licensed social worker, also called LMSW or LISW in some states), or LCPC (fully licensed counselor). Among these three, there is not much difference in treatment, says Kazez.

To limit.

If you're using a database, trying to find *your* therapist among all the doctors in your zip code is a guaranteed anxiety bomb. Start by filtering by what you know: your insurance provider, your age group, your current issues (options include everything from very specific “trauma” and “OCD” to more general categories like “life transitions” and “relationship issues”). Then think about what you would prefer in someone - for example, a particular faith or nationality. (See: How to Work Through Trauma, According to a Therapist Who Works with First Responders)

If you don't have a preference or insight into what exactly you're dealing with, don't emphasize it. “Anyone who is well-trained should be able to deal with the range from mild life stressors to psychiatric problems that require hospitalization,” says Ben Michaelis, Ph.D., a Manhattan-based clinical psychologist and author of Your Next Big Thing: 10 Small Steps to Get Moving and Be Happy. “The most important thing is to build a trusting, supportive, therapeutic relationship.”

Start shopping.

Read their bios if they are in a database or their website if they link to it, which will give you an idea of ​​their personality and therapy style. Consider the type of relationship you want — directive, independent, humorous, serious, nurturing — and see if their description matches, says Kazez.

Set up introductions.

This part of finding a therapist can be a bit tedious – but it's worth it. Trust your gut and start shooting down interview requests. “Search criteria helps, but there is still no substitute for the real experience of being face to face with someone in a shared space,” says Michaelis.

It's really like dating: There are a lot of therapists who look great on paper, but when you meet, the dynamic just isn't right—and some who seem like they're not a good fit at first but end up being a great fit, he adds.

Most therapists ask for a 10-minute phone call before scheduling an appointment, or to meet in person to see if you're a good fit. This step is crucial for both of you. "As in all relationships, the therapeutic relationship is based on trust and confidence. You need to feel a certain connection with the person who is guiding you through life. If you don't feel that, the relationship won't work and the help won't help," says Michaelis.

Shopping spree.

Don't feel stuck with the first person you meet. “Many people change therapists at least once before finding the right one, or talk to several before settling down,” says Kazez. In fact, Michaelis says he encourages his potential clients to talk to other clinicians before committing to make sure they have someone to compare them to to know if they're a good fit.

And don't feel like you have to figure it all out on your own: "Ask therapists to help you decide if they're a good fit for you," suggests Kazez. They have seen patients come and go, progress and resistance under their style of guidance, so they know which questions best demonstrate your compatibility. (So ​​you've learned how to find a therapist and started treatment - congratulations! Now you may be wondering: How do you know when it's okay to stop therapy?)