Jennifer Lopez on the importance of putting yourself first

Jennifer Lopez on the importance of putting yourself first

Jennifer Lopez may be known for her romantic comedies and much-hyped personal relationships, but the singer and actress also knows the importance of giving yourself some love. In her new Vogue cover story, she talked about taking care of yourself and practicing self-love.

Suddenly a single mother of twin babies after her split from Marc Anthony, Lopez didn't have the mentality to put herself first, she recalled. "I just didn't understand what it meant to take care of yourself, to not put someone else's feelings and needs - and your need for them to love you - ahead of taking care of yourself," she told the magazine. "You turn yourself into a pretzel for people and think that putting yourself second is a noble cause. And it's not," she explained. "These patterns become deep patterns that you carry with you, and then at a certain point you say, Wait, this doesn't feel good. Why am I never happy?"

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Eventually, Lopez reached a breaking point and knew she had to make a change. "And finally I just thought, Ugh! It's time to figure me out because I have to be good for these babies," she said in the recent interview. "And even from there, with all the willingness that I had, it took years and years to really put the pieces together, like, Oh, this thing I'm doing because of this, this thing I'm doing because this happened to me at this age."

Lopez acknowledged the work she had to do to put herself first. "I need to forgive myself for the things I've done that I'm not proud of, the choices I've made that have worked against me," she told Vogue. "Self-love is really about boundaries. Learning what you're comfortable with and setting boundaries, not being afraid of the consequences. Knowing that if you take care of yourself, everything will be okay, that people will treat you the way you want to be treated, and your life will feel good to you."

Lopez wasn't good at creating those boundaries either, she shared. “For a long time I just thought: Yes, do whatever you want!” Lopez said. "I can take it, I'll be here because I'm really strong, and I'll be fine. Little by little it breaks down your self-worth, your self-esteem, your soul." (Read more: Self-work isn't about being perfect)

Now Lopez is in a different place emotionally. She is newly married to Ben Affleck. Yes, she wanted to take his last name because "it's romantic," but it was also the right choice for her. “I am in control of my own life and destiny and feel empowered as a woman and as a person,” she said.

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As far as she's come, Lopez still looks back fondly on past versions of herself — the person Affleck once called "Little" because of the couple's noticeable height difference (he's almost a foot taller than her).

“You come out the other side and you’re better, you’re stronger, you’re good on your own,” the 53-year-old said. "But there is a little piece of that former self that was completely open, innocent and unafraid that is gone. Sometimes I mourn that because I'm so romantic," she continued, adding, "and because I loved that person so much."

In true rom-com fashion, Lopez wouldn't change any aspect of her past if she had the chance because it got her to where she is today. "My whole life, my whole music career has been all about love: every film I've chosen, every album I've made," she told the magazine. "Even though I'm super proud of who I am today and wouldn't change a thing - and I can finally say this, as a person, as a woman, as a partner, as a wife, as a colleague, as a mother and stepmother - there's just this little piece where you feel like, 'The old me? She was cute.'