How Michelle Obama calms negative self-talk

How Michelle Obama calms negative self-talk

It's been four years since former first lady Michelle Obama published her memoir "Becoming." The book's release came as both Obama and the country were undergoing immense change following her husband's historic presidency and the introduction of a very different kind of leader. So it's only fitting that she launches her new book, The Light We Carry, in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic, which has required everyone, including Obama, to adapt to an ever-changing world.

Stories of overcoming obstacles, both literal and mental, interspersed with anecdotes that make the former First Lady feel like someone you could easily be friends with if given the chance, comprise the new book. While her writing makes it seem like she has all the answers to life's difficulties, big and small, her intention is not to offer anyone a "how-to guide," she explains in the introduction to her book. Rather, her wise words of wisdom read like welcome advice from someone who has once walked in your shoes.

Ahead of the book's November 15 release, Obama reveals what's in her mental health "toolbox," what strength means to her and how she tames her "anxious mind" with Shape. Read on for insight into how she approaches these three concepts found in her second memoir.

Maintaining a balanced routine

For Obama, from a health perspective, the most valuable habit in her “toolbox” is maintaining a balanced routine. "I think that's one of the things that young people haven't learned: that what you eat, how much you sleep, how you exercise affects your emotional and psychological state," she explains.

“During the pandemic, we all had a pretty regular schedule,” Obama said. "We set our alarms. We woke up. We worked out. We tried to have dinner at a certain time and eat at a certain time," she continues. "A certain amount of routine and predictability can help keep the mood up in some ways. I don't know the chemical reasons for this, but I find that wallowing in my depression just makes me more depressed."

Instead, Obama emphasizes going through the seemingly simple motions of daily life to get through difficult times. "When I get up, get out, change, shower, do my hair, even if no one sees, that exercise and routine often brings out my mood," she says.

Michelle Obama on the importance of a routine

I don't know the chemical reasons for this, but I find that wallowing in my depression only makes me more depressed.

– Michelle Obama on the importance of a routine

"If you're feeling low, think about how much sleep you're getting," she suggests. "It may be a direct connection to the fact that you live on three hours of sleep as to why you feel tired and sad. Have you eaten vegetables in the last month?" she asks and laughs. “Little things like that are really important.”

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The meaning of strength

Stay tuned a daily routine Getting through tough times requires inner strength – something Obama understands. "When I was growing up, being a loud, big, stubborn, physically strong girl wasn't something to strive for - it didn't feel like something the world wanted to see," she explains.

“I also didn’t have big, strong, powerful role models to give me the confidence to be the young woman I was,” she continues. "This was before Venus and Serena Williams, before the WNBA. So I had to build my own sense of inner strength and resilience - I had to strive for what I didn't see. That wasn't always easy."

Thanks in part to Obama himself, there are more strong women for young people to look up to. "We have incredibly strong role models for girls around the world to know and aspire to - Venus and Serena, yes, but also Beyoncé, Oprah, Ketanji Brown Jackson and so many more," she says.

“And through their examples, we see how the definition of the word ‘strong’ is changing,” the former first lady continued. "It's not just about physical strength, it's about having a strong mind, a strong heart and a strong spirit. And fortunately there is a better understanding that moments of vulnerability and tenderness are also examples of strength. That says something about how our society has changed."

Michelle Obama on the importance of strength

For me, physical strength is not just about your muscles. It's about flexibility and endurance and how you move.

—Michelle Obama on the importance of strength

Even the concept of physical strength is complex for Obama. “For me, physical strength is not just about your muscles,” she says. "It's about flexibility and endurance and how you move. Likewise, mental or spiritual strength isn't just about being resilient. It's about confidence and independence and the willingness to speak our minds with dignity and grace. It's about understanding who we are and who we want to be."

It offers an important reminder that strength comes in many different forms. “We can all be strong, no matter what we look like, as long as we always work toward that mental, physical and spiritual strength,” Obama said.

Calm self-doubt

Obama has dealt with his fair share of self-doubt and negative self-talk over the years. It is something she refers to in The Light We Carry as her “fearful mind.” “That reckless, no-saying part of me that was sure nothing would—or could—ever work,” she writes in the book. But she also learned to deal with it.

“Now that I'm 58 years old, I've understood for 58 years that growth and possibility lie on the other side of that initial emotion of staying quiet and holding back,” she says. “Some of the best things that have happened to me in my life have been because I pushed back that initial rush of fear.”

Obama points to a few examples where something great was on the other end of fear and uncertainty. “Going to a magnet high school instead of staying in high school in my neighborhood changed my whole trajectory in terms of what college I would go to,” she says. "Deciding to leave home and go to an Ivy League school with rich kids changed my career path. Marrying a 'runaway' who was a young community organizer with a funny name changed my life, and so on and so forth."

Michelle Obama on overcoming self-doubt

Some of the best things that have happened to me in my life have been because I pushed back that initial rush of fear.

– Michelle Obama on overcoming self-doubt

Perhaps the scariest venture of all was becoming America's First Lady. “It was a scary suggestion,” she admits. "It wasn't something I was inclined to do, but on the other hand, it was to see my country in its entirety, to meet millions of amazing young people and maybe change a life or two just by shining the light that I had on them."

It is these experiences that allow Obama to quiet the part of her brain that threatens to catastrophize a situation. Now that she's familiar with the feeling, she knows how to control it. “For me, opportunity lies on the other side of that fear,” she continues. "So I have to remind myself. Don't hold back. Just lean into it."

For more insight from the former First Lady, you can order her new book, The Light We Carry, available November 15, 2022.